Good evening, and here is the news.

Tuesday 30 March 2010

In Jakarta a young man, devastated that his girlfriend was to marry another man, cut off his own penis in a fit of despair. Any hopes of reattaching the severed member were dashed after the 19-year-old, known only as AMD, threw the appendage into a well.

After much media attention the director of Cilacap General Hospital, Sugeng Budi Susanto, held a press conference. “Cutting off a penis can be fatal,” Sugeng said, nodding sagely.

Witnesses heard AMD standing at the edge of the well with his severed penis held high screaming, “If she can’t have it, then no one will!” as he then plunged the detached phallus wellwards. What was unknown until later was that the well was in fact a wishing well blessed by Indonesian water spirits.

The remarkable thing was that the Spirits took kindly to the young man’s trouser snake sacrifice and bewitched his girlfriend to return back to him. “Honey!” she called as she ran through the door, “I’ve come back to you, my one true love. Quick, take me now, right here on the carpet, and make a woman out of me!” The young man apparently rubbed the back of his head and let out a deep breath. “Yeah, it’s funny you should say that now, darling, ‘cos… well, you’ll laugh when I tell you,” AMD was reported to have replied.

In other news Ricky Martin, the Puerto Rican pop singer, with record sales of more than 60 million albums worldwide, has publicly announced on his official web site that he is gay. “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am,” he wrote.

Yeah, well, THANK YOU BLOODY RICKY BLOODY MARTIN FOR MAKING IT JUST THAT LITTLE BIT MORE DIFFICULT FOR A SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE MID-30 YEAR OLD GAY MAN TO FIND A NICE BOYFRIEND. THANKS TO BLOODY YOU I NOW HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE REST OF MY LIFE KNOWING THAT THE BEST I CAN GET IS RICKY MARTIN’S HAND-ME-DOWNS. I MEAN KNOWING THAT MY COMPETITION WAS ONLY THE LIKES OF MATT LUCAS AND DAVID HYDE PIERCE I FELT THAT I HAD SOME HOPE OF A CHANCE; AND TO SIMON CALLOW AND STEPHEN FRY I WOULD HUMBLY ADMIT DEFEAT – WHO WOULDN’T?; AND SURE IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN I HEARD ABOUT JOHN BARROWMAN; AND I WAS NEVER THAT THREATENED BY EITHER GEORGE MICHAEL OR RUPERT EVERETT; BUT YOU RICKY?! WHY, RICKY, WHY!!! WHO’S GONNA WANT ME NOW THAT YOU’RE ON THE MARKET?

THANKS RICKY MARTIN, THANKS A LOT!

And now the weather. Justin?

(Original stories are here and here.)

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Clyde was in the Mardi Gras Parade …

Tuesday 16 March 2010

… and, yes, he is still pissing around and hasn’t written anything, but until then take a squiz at his flagging performance in the 2010 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, as part of the Harbour City Bears float:

(courtesy of djcolingaff)

(courtesy of all188)

But if that’s not enough for you, scroll down and see a couple of pics of Clyde in his onesie …

WARNING: ENORMOUS BULGE!!

NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE
WITH HIGH MORALS OR WEAK KNEES.

MAY CAUSE DIZZY SPELLS, SALIVATION,
OR UNRESERVED LEVELS OF ENVY.

(courtesy Ann-Marie Calilhanna via The Sydney Star Observer)

(and thanks to David for this one)

I did warn you …


Clyde’s off to look at art …

Monday 1 March 2010

… and considering it’s Mardi Gras, it will probably look a lot like this: